You can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong with you.
Maybe you're wrestling with a constant sense of loneliness, even when you're surrounded by people. There’s the pervasive, nagging sense that something is fundamentally wrong with you, making it difficult to believe others when they say “I love you.” Or perhaps you feel a chronic sense of urgency or unpredictable mood swings that feel out of your control. These are just snippets of how childhood relational trauma can show up in your adult life.
Your childhood experiences create the glasses through which you view the world. If your early life was characterized by abuse, neglect, chaos, instability, or stress, you may find it difficult to trust yourself, connect to others, or feel fundamentally safe in the world. Because the impact is so foundational—intricately woven into the fabric of your personality—you may not even be aware of how early stress shaped you. These subtle yet profound wounds, often stemming from common but overlooked childhood experiences, can cast a long shadow over various aspects of your life.
If this resonates with you, know that these subtle wounds can be addressed, and healing is possible. Together, we'll navigate the complexities of childhood relational trauma, gently unraveling the layers to bring clarity, understanding, and ultimately, a path to reclaiming your sense of self.
Your PAST might have included:
Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
Physical or emotional neglect
Absent parent(s) (due to work, military deployment, divorce, or death)
Presence of addiction, personality disorders, or big, unchecked emotions (parents or siblings)
Walking on eggshells and/or feeling unsure which “version” of your parent you will get that day
High expectations of success/achievement
Poor familial boundaries (lack of developmental appropriate privacy or autonomy, parents sharing excessive personal information)
Having to be a parent to your parents (physical or emotional caretaking)
Feeling like you had to do/be/act a certain way to be loved/accepted
Frequent criticism and/or invalidation of your emotions (e.g., being scolded for crying or expressing anger)
Family culture of secrecy/not trusting others/insulation
Chronic financial stressors or housing instability
Your PRESENT might include:
Unhealthy coping mechanisms (addiction to substances or behaviors, self-harm, disordered eating)
Frequent mood swings & difficulty regulating your emotions (and you may have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder)
Imbalanced energy levels (hyperactivity, chronic fatigue)
Poor boundaries (no boundaries OR rigid boundaries)
History of unhealthy or unstable relationship issues, including an intense fear of abandonment and/or intimacy
Excessive people-pleasing at the expense of your needs & mental health
Not knowing how you feel, what you need, or even who you are
Difficulty taking care of yourself and/or a yearning for someone to save, fix, or rescue you
Chronic over-achieving OR under-achieving
Harsh inner critic, extreme self-judgment, and/or self-loathing
An unshakeable sense that something is wrong or something bad will happen
Fear that something is fundamentally wrong with you
Healing from relational trauma is a complex, yet transformative journey that requires a delicate approach. I understand the unique challenges posed by this type of wounding. Together, we'll navigate the shadows of the past, bringing light to the unspoken and mapping a path toward wholeness.
Whether you've just begun to uncover the impact of your early experiences or have been carrying the weight for years, our therapeutic partnership will empower you to rewrite your narrative and build a foundation for a more fulfilling present and future.
CULTIVATING SAFETY
Traumatic experiences create a deep, fundamental sense that you are not safe. My primary goal when working with relational trauma is to create a therapeutic space where you feel physically and emotionally safe—without this foundation, no healing can occur.
IMPROVING EMOTION REGULATION
Childhood trauma can make it difficult (or seemingly impossible) to regulate your emotions, which can look like mood swings, hypervigilance, decision paralysis, or even chronic fatigue. Together, we'll get curious about these experiences, employing mindfulness and somatic practices to enhance nervous system regulation and build your capacity to handle stress. This approach aims to ground and stabilize, fostering emotional resilience for a more empowered response to life's challenges.
NURTURING YOUR INNER CHILD(REN)
Early trauma can leave parts of ourselves frozen in the past: our inner child and inner teen. By gently exploring and engaging with these inner "parts," we can cultivate healing, understanding, and integration. This process is often transformative, helping you reconnect with aspects of yourself that were neglected or wounded in the past, enhancing self-compassion and a more integrated sense of self in the present.
DISRUPTING PATTERNS
Some parts of us were forged in the fire of painful pasts as a way to protect ourselves. These tendencies—our “survival strategies”—are often rougher around the edges and may look like patterns of addiction, self-sabotaging behavior, emotional numbing, or dysfunctional relationships (e.g., continuously choosing partners who are unavailable, unwilling to commit, or rejecting). Our work will center on first understanding the function of these behaviors (often self-regulation or connection) and holding them with compassion. This will allow us to eventually replace them with healthier ways of relating to ourselves and others, in turn creating space for more fulfilling connections, and growing your capacity for intimacy.
CONNECTING TO INNER WHOLENESS
It’s not just about healing the parts of you that are wounded, but about increasing your connection to (and capacity for) the part of you that has been untouched by your pain—the part that has (and will) always remain whole. The part that is like an impossibly large tree, staying rooted and grounded even when it’s branches are thrashing in a storm. Some people call this the Healthy Adult Self or the “capital S” Self…the Intuitive Self or the Core Self. You may have no idea what I’m talking about, and that’s okay—even if this part of you feels like a small sliver (or even impossible to connect to), I promise you it is there and we will find it.
“In order to become whole we must try, in a long process, to discover our own personal truth, a truth that may cause pain before giving us a new sphere of freedom.”
— Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
I’m here when you’re ready
Let’s connect on a free, 20-minute phone or video consultation to see if we might be a good fit. You can use the contact form below, or feel free to reach out to me directly:
erinkennedycounseling@gmail.com
(424) 248-5093